SCARED TO LOVE
by bedwardlove
Summary: the real life love story between kristen and rob
1. INTRO:

INTRO:

INTRO:

"Kristen, wait!" Rob grabbed my wrist and swung me around. I, being my clumsy self, stumbled into him which gave him the chance to wrap his arm around my waist. I glared at him.  
"Let go." I firmly commanded through clenched teeth fighting the urge to collapse into his arms.  
"I don't want to and I know you don't want me to either. Stop trying to deny it." He pleaded moving his face closer to mine. My heart failed me but I didn't let my face portray the loose of breath. These feelings were too much, too fast.  
"Robert…" I kept my eyes down. In the darkness of the night I knew he couldn't see my eyes swelling with tears. He released my wrist and brushed his soft fingers against my cheek.  
"Kristen…" His face was an inch from mine now, if I looked up our lips would touch. My heart throbbed at the thought.  
"I can't do this."  
"Don't be scared. I won't hurt you." His hand moved to under my chin and I knew what he was about to do but I didn't stop him. His warm lips pressed softly against mine. I melted into his body and let my heart get the best of me for only an instant. He pulled away and I could hear myself breathing hard. "See…"  
I sighed as my body became as rigid as before. I remembered what his lips had driven from my mind. Why I couldn't do this, why I couldn't love him. "I can't Robert. Please let me go."  
"Why? You kissed me back. I felt it. You can't kiss someone like that and feel nothing."  
"Well I can. Okay?! I don't feel anything for you, Robert." I saw the hurt in his eyes as he believed my lie. His hand dropped from my face and his arm loosened around my waist. I stumbled backward letting his arm fall off my waist. He looked betrayed and confused.  
"I don't believe you," he mumbled.  
"Well it's the truth—"  
"For now," he interrupted me, "I know you love me Kristen. And so will you someday."  
Before I could say anything else he turned and walked off into the darkness. I heard his car leaving the parking lot. Than I was alone; standing outside the set of Twilight…


	2. CHAPTER ONE:

I drove home that night with tears rolling down my face

CHAPTER ONE:

I drove home that night with tears rolling down my face. It was all I could do not to break down and sob right then. I knew I had done the right thing for both Rob and myself. I just didn't think it would hurt so much. My heart was killing me, it ached like a bullet had pierced it and left a gaping hole. Everything around me was hazy, like a dream, all that was clear was the pain searing in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I walked to my apartment in a zombie like trance, not realizing what I was doing until I felt the down feathery pillow under my head. I had changed my clothes and brushed my teeth mechanically.  
The tears flowed freely now accompanied by loud sobs that were slightly quieted by my pillow. My whole body shook as I cried. Salty tears soaked my pillow and moistened my cheeks. I cried myself to sleep that night and awoke the next morning feeling exhausted yet with more tears building up. Before I could start again I forced myself out of bed and into the shower.  
The warm water felt soothing on my salt stained skin. I savored the warmth knowing the cold would overcome my body soon. Sure enough as soon as I stepped out of the shower it felt like a cold front moved in just over me. It was hard to dress while I shivered but I managed it. Soon I was in my car heading to the twilight set.  
I had distracted myself enough in the morning to keep the pain to a minimal but in the car my mind escaped me. The pain throbbed as Rob's hurt face flashed in my mind. I kept breathing but it wasn't easy, with every breath came a sharp stab of pain.  
I parked in my usual spot and cut the engine. I didn't want to get out of my car yet, not just becuase it would be even colder outside but because I feared who would be there. I tried to take a deep breath and prepare for this gruesome day but that only caused me so much pain I had to clutch my chest. I sighed and gave up on preparing. As I reached for the door handle someone from outside opened it for me. I had to sheild my eyes from the sun at first but then Rob's gorgeous smile and the rest of his beautiful features came into clear view.  
For a brief second the pain stopped and there was no bullet hole because I breathed in his over-whelming scent. The smell reminded me of his lips and the memory brought back the pain which ripped at my heart again...


	3. CHAPTER TWO:

CHAPTER TWO:

CHAPTER TWO:

Rob helped me out of my car smiling the whole time, like nothing happened yesterday. I tried to smile back as best I could while hiding my confusion at the way he was acting.

"Rob?"

"Yep?"

"You okay?" I didn't want my curiosity to seem obvious but I had to ask. He was acting so odd and...happy.

"Never better, you?"

"Not reallythat good," I didn't want to lie to him. I figured that would make everything even more...awkward, atleast for me. He seemed completely undisturbed.

"Why?" He must be playing dumb on purpose.

"Last night..." I couldn't finish my sentence as the bullet hole throbbed at the memory.

"What about it?"

"I told you I didn't have any feelings for you...And you don't seem to be affected at all."

He flashed my favorite crooked smile at me, "I told I didn't believe you."

I frowned at him but noticed the pain subsided at his confidence, knowing he was right. It felt good to breathe regularly, if only for the moment. "Hmph, whatever," I mumbled.

He laughed quietly as we walked into the building. Throughout the day Rob's good mood seemed to seep out of him and into me. So at the end of the day he had me smiling and laughing. We left the building and entered the darkness same as yesterday, only today we weren't arguing. He smiled at me and my stomach fluttered as I returned a dazed smile.

"See you tomorrow," He said and I could see more words forming on the tip of his tounge but he didn't say anymore.

"Definately," I wanted to say more as well but I stopped myself like he had. Than he stepped forward and hugged me gently, taking all the air from my lungs. He stepped back.

"Bye Kristen." Than he left and I listened again to him driving away before I got in my own car and drove home...


	4. CHAPTER THREE:

CHAPTER THREE:

CHAPTER THREE:  
That night not one single tear escaped my eyes. The pain twinged when I let myself think about the other night but I quickly stopped that and the pain. I slept well and was in a very good mood when I pulled into my usual parking spot the next morning.  
Once again my opened before I touched the handle. Today my favorite Starbucks coffee drink greeted my eyes. I grinned as Rob's crooked smile appeared just behind it.  
"Need some caffine?"  
"Nope, wide awake but I really like the flavor."  
He laughed, "Whatever floats your boat."  
His laugh was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. It sounded like music from his lips. I took my drink as I got out of the car. Rob's was already half-way drunk. We walked into the set together talking.  
The day was as upbeat as yesterday but it ended a little differently, in a good way. Rob invited me to dinner as friends. I made sure he knew it was as friend before I agreed.  
We got in his car and drove to a nearby pizza place. We sa down in a booth by the window. He looked at me smiling slightly. He looked so beautiful, I could look at him forever but his stare was jumbling my thoughts and I had to look down to talk, "What?"  
"Sorry, was I staring?"  
"Kinda."  
"Hard not to when someone as beautiful as you is sitting right across from me."  
My stomach dropped. I knew he had these feelings for me but to hear him talk about it so casually was a bit unnerving. He flashed me his beautiful smile and my thoughts disassembled themselves again.  
"Does it bother you?"  
"Huh?"  
"Does it bother you when I compliment you?"  
I looked into his gorgeous eyes and gave up on trying to orient my thoughts. The truth just seeped out of my mouth, "No, I like it."  
He smiled pleased,"Good." Our food came then and we discussed Twilight while we ate. After he had paid and we were leaving he mentioned tomorrow's scenes.  
"Tomorrow should be interesting?"  
"Why?" I hadn't looked at the scene list yet.  
"We're shooting our first kiss. Well Bella and Edward's first kiss, our second kiss." He winked at my and I gasped at his second casual reference to the...incident but covered with a small laugh at the end.  
"Oh," was all I could manage.  
We drove back to the set so I could get my car. The ride was silent except the radio. When we got there he grabbed my hand as I got out of the car but it was gently this time. "You want to practice once before tomorrow?"  
I couldn't help but giggle at his hopeful face. "I think we should save the magic for the screen." Before he could respond I slipped out of his car...


	5. CHAPTER FOUR:

CHAPTER FOUR:

CHAPTER FOUR:  
My night was restless, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the next day. I tried to tell myself it wasn't me kissing Rob, it was Bella kissing Edward but it didn't work. I still knew it would be my lips on his...his warm, perfect lips. My heart beat excellerated whenever I thought about our first kiss.  
I finally managed to drift into an uneasy sleep but that didn't help much since I dreamt of kissing Rob more intimately than when I was awake. The next morning I was exhausted but somehow managed to make it to the set dressed and clean.  
I had to open my own door that morning which was unsettling. I didn't have any scenes with Rob until the kiss later that day. So i didn't see him until I walked on the set. He was standing there beaming at me and all I could do was wave weakly.  
Then we were kissing and it was much too famikiar, his lips moving perfectly with mine. I did what I was told to do and threw myself at him which was easier then I was ever going to let on. He in return turned stone under my lips as he was supposed to do. It was perfect the first time through and than it was over. I didn't want it to end, I could still taste his lips on the mine and I craved more. I hated myself for wanting that. I shouldn't.  
Rob caught up with me at my car at the end of the day even though I tried to leave as fast as possible.  
"Kristen?" I composed my face and smiled before turning around.  
"Hi Robert." He was leaning on my car just inches from me flashing his stunning smile. I felt my heart pounding and hoped he couldn't hear it.  
"So how'd you like the scene? I thought it was pretty good myself."  
"Yeah it was good. You did a great job." There was a doble meaning behind that last sentence that I hoped he wouldn't hear. He move closer to me slightly and I had to tel myself to breathe.  
"I was wondering if we could talk maybe."  
"Sure."  
"Somewhere more private, is my place okay?" I considered that for a moment and decided it would be okay, I could control myself.  
"Okay." I followed him to his apartment. There wasn't much in there, just a fouton couch and a TV.  
"Sorry I don't have very many places to sit. Is the fouton okay?"  
"Yeah..." I could barely speak thinking about the two of us on his bed together. Kissing, again. I pulled myself out of my daydream, regretably, I had another task at hand. We sat down and I kept my position strickly reserved he, on the other hand, laid against the couch's back with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed. I wanted to stare at his beautiful face forever. His skin looked so smooth and his lips...oh his lips were so inviting. I took a deep breath to clear my mind but failed. He seemed to notice me breathe funny because he sat up then and put his arm around me worriedly. "Are you okay?"  
A nod was all I could manage as my heart jumped around eratically at the feel of his skin on mine.  
"So I wanted to talk about us."  
"Yeah." I was sticking to mono syllables.  
"I'm just gonna be straight with you."  
"Ok."  
"I like you and I think you like me too but there's something holding you back."  
"Yeah."  
"I'm right?" I didn't know what it was but I couldn't lie when I was loking into his eyes.  
"Yeah."  
"Will you tell me what is holding you back?"  
"It's too hard."  
"What is?" His eyes lit up and I could tell he was getting excited because he was finally getting answers. I had to look away or else I would spill everything. Suddenly me reasons for not dating him seemed so unimportant. In his room on his bed with the overwhelming aroma of him surrounding me everything seemed unimportant except him.  
I was scared of getting hurt, all my life I had seen so many people get hurt because they had gotten close to someone else. People coudln't be trusted because no one really cares about anyone else but themselves. Atleast that is what I had learned watching the people around me. But now looking in his eyes I saw something different and I didnt know what it was exactly but for some reason all I wanted was to be with him. To let myself finally get close to someone and trust them. This sudden realization gave me an impulse to act on it so I did. He was still sitting there with eager eyes watcing me carefully.  
I contemplated the warmthness of his lips before leaning forward and presing mine to his. I felt the shock in his body language even with my eyes closed. He relaxed quickly and wrapped his other arm around me rubbing my back. I relaxed more in his arms in return but slowly pulled away to see his reaction.  
"That was..."  
"Unexpected"  
"I was gonna say amazing but I guess it was that too. You know I still have questions right?"  
"Well I have answers."


	6. CHAPTER FIVE:

CHAPTER FIVE:

CHAPTER FIVE:

"Before I answer your questions...or whatever you want. Can I do something?"

I asked him smirking, he had no idea what was about to hit him. He looked at me funny but said 'yes'. I moved closer to him and smiled just before our lips met. He tasted so good, I ran my tounge along his bottom lips eager for more. He was eager to as he wrapped his arms around me tightly and we fell back onto his couch. I ran my hands through his hair holding his lips to mine. He held my body against his with his hands on my lower back. His body was so warm beneath mine. He ran his tounge along my upper lip and a shiver ran down my spine. I kissed him passionately than slowly pulled away breathing hard.

He was breathing hard too and smiling, "Whoa."

I returned his smile, "Yeah. Sorry I caught you offguard but you're just so irresistible."

"I know," he said jokingly, "Questions now?"

I groaned and tried to roll off him but the couch was too small and he caught me. He rolled me under him so I was trapped. Holding himself up using his arms he looked down at me with puppy dog eyes, "What's wrong with questions?"

I giggled at his pleading tone, "Nothing."

"Good." He rolled off me and layed on his side using his elbow for support. His body was so warm next to mine, it felt good. "So, why resist me that first night?"

"Jeez, that's not to the point at all. Well, I don't know anymore. With you here everything I used to think just seems stupid."

He frowned at me, "Nothing you think could ever be stupid. Tell me what you were thinking."

"You asked for it," I mumbled, "Well I guess I was afraid."

"Of what? Me?"

I laughed lightly, "No..of getting to close to someone. Of trusting someone."

"Why?"

"Because when you trust someone. you're giving them the ability to hurt you and I didn't want to be hurt but it was pointless. I was already in love with you, which even without you knowing gives you the power to hurt me. I guess that's why i realized here tonight right before I kissed you. I might as well enjoy the love before the hurt."

"I'll never hurt you." I looked into his eyes and saw that something different again. Now I was starting to realize it was love in his eyes, true love.

"I know that now, but I didn't before. There was also something else stopping me but that reason is even stupider than the last."

He frowned at me again but I ignored it.

"I didn't want the paparatzi or whatever to know about us becuase than everyone would talk about us. But when I'm with you I just don't care what people say as long as I'm with you." I blushed a little realizing how much of the truth I was telling him. I'd never been this truthful with anybody ever. He brushed my cheek with his hand and smiled.

"Why are you blushing?"

"I don't know. The truth is embarassing."

"I don't think so. I'm glad you told me the truth. Now I understand better. Before I thought you were disgusted by me or something.

I gasped, "How could anybody be disgusted by you? You're so...soo...perfect."

He laughed, "Not really."

"Yes, you are. You're perfect for me and that's all that matters. I'm sorry I ever made you think I didn't like you."

"It's okay. I have you now and that's what's important."

We smiled at each other than he leaned down and pressed his warm lips to my forehead.SCARED


	7. CHAPTER SIX:

CHAPTER SIX:

CHAPTER SIX:

Regrettably, I left Rob's apartment an hour or so later after we'd watched Bruce Almighty. As I drove home I couldn't stop smiling and replaying our kiss_es_ in my head. It was the most perfect night of my life…so far. I had a feeling a lot more of my nights were going to be amazing now that Rob and I were together. He had a way of making even the stupidest things seem incredible. When I got home everything went by in a blur and before I knew it was morning. I woke up beaming and jumped right out of bed. I sang in the shower which I never do and it continued all the way until I got to the set. When Rob opened my door I flew into his arms and he hugged me back, tightly. When we pulled apart he kissed me lightly on the lips before asking how the rest of my night was.

"Bad, I missed you." I put on my best pouty face.

"Aw, you're so cute. I missed you too. Come on before we're late."

He laced his fingers with mine as we walked into the set. We had a few scenes together today and I missed him when we didn't but the day passed quickly. We didn't have the last scene of the day together so he told me to meet him at his car. When I walked out into the parking lot I almost screamed. Rob _was_ definitely waiting by his car but apparently not for me. Some girl ran up to him smiling and bouncing off the balls of her feet. She kissed him **passionately** and he didn't stop her so what else can I assume other than he's cheating on me? When she finally got off his face she just ran away. I thought that was a little weird but I was too mad too care. Rob noticed me than and his mouth fell. I was already tearing up and I had to get out of there. Before I could unlock my car and get in Rob was grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. The tears were already falling, "Leave me alone." I could barely talk.

"Kristen please listen to me. That's not what it looked like."

"I don't care what it was."

"Please."

He was holding both my shoulders now but I didn't dare look at him. I knew the moment I did he would mesmerize me with those beautiful eyes. He pulled me close than and I was too weak to resist. He put my head on his chest and rubbed my back.

"Please don't cry."

I didn't listen, the tears kept coming. All I wanted to do was get away from him but I just couldn't. I didn't know what was paralyzing me but it was impossible to move so I just stood there soaking his shirt.

"That girl was a fan, she came out of nowhere. I sware."

This caught me by surprise. I'd been sure he was cheating on me, he didn't pull away.

"But you kissed her back."

"No I didn't baby, I promise. She was _really_ freakishly strong. I kept my lips locked the whole time."

I thought about this for a minute and decided I was too far away to really tell. He'd never lied to me before though, so I didn't have any reason not to believe him. The tears stopped than and I think he could tell because he pulled me away to look at me. I let myself finally look into his eyes and I was right, everything felt better than. He kissed me softly than and I kissed him back.


End file.
